17. My Demons
As the door shuts behind him, my small smirk fades away, and I look around the cottage. That cosy touch feels empty… My stomach drops, guilt filling me, followed by a void, one so deep it almost hurts to breathe. This is the part I hate the most; I know my flaws… I know when I’m f*cking up but it doesn’t stop me from self-sabotaging everything. Even then, it’s easier to identify my flaws and another thing entirely trying to move away from them.
Breaking a cycle that, for a fleeting moment, fills that emptiness, is hard. I live in those moments… It offers me temporary relief, a distraction I really need from the constant war that wages in my mind. But it always comes to an end and then it all sinks in, knowing I f*cked up. But deep down I know I’ll do it all over again, because I need that, those small moments of reprieve they offer me.
Picking up my phone, I unlock it and click on the chat app. It’s instinctual, another bad habit of mine that I’ve picked up recently. It has become a part of my routine… One I always knew would probably end in disappointment, yet still, I check my messages anyway.
Sighing heavily, I stare unseeingly at the screen.
I can still feel his touch on my body, and I don’t know how to feel about it. In the moment everything feels good, but then… now, I feel hollow. Moving toward the front door, I can still smell his scent clinging to me, to this place….
Locking the door, I sigh, resting my forehead against the wood before I slowly turn and head to the bedroom. A place that still smells of him and sex… It’s like I can’t escape him, escape what I did. I messed up and once Royce finds out…
I sigh heavily, feeling sick with guilt and I turn away, shutting the door, hoping his scent won’t linger too long. 2
Malevolent’s whine draws my attention to her, and I smile softly as I crouch down and scoop her into my arms. “Come on, little one.” I whisper, nuzzling my nose into her neck. She’s my forever one.
Nothing helps, nothing ever helps.
Royce’s words fill my mind. ‘You’re worth more than a one-night h*ok-up…’ Why do those words sting so much more now? 1
I shake my head; he just doesn’t know me…
Knowing I won’t be able to go back to the bedroom, I head to the lounge and drop onto the sofa, cradling Malevolent to my chest. I curl up, staring at the ceiling, and watch the shadowy patterns of the rustling leaves outside the window reflect. I’m in the dark, and the curtains are open, but I have no energy to get up and close them.
Why did I do it?
Sure, casual h*ok-ups aren’t uncommon for me, but with someone who I know and is a
teacher at the school? Usually, I am not that foolish, nothing good will come of this.
Sure, I know I wanted Royce, and his refusal was getting to me… Yeah, I’m not making sense. Was I trying to prove something?
Yes, I was, and I know it makes me a b*tch, but if I couldn’t have Royce, then I’ll settle for his brother.
Nicely played Sky…
Shame fills me. If Royce finds out, I bet he’ll be disgusted that I bounced from one brother to the other so easily…
Rolling onto my side, I run my fingers through my hair, breathing deeply, wanting nothing more than to hurt something, anything. I want to scream, and cry, the guilt and hollowness. seeping deeper inside me.
St*pid, how can I always be so f*cking st*pid? People think I’m a f*cking b*dass just because I’m tough and I’ll jump to protect you with everything I have… but no one sees the f*cked up sh*t inside my head… 1
Sucking in a deep breath, I flex my fingers, trying to rid the horrid feeling eating away at me and creating a void so big I may just slip into it and never return. That maddening state where you want to scream and cry, both threatening to take over, the urge to wreak havoc and destroy everything around me, or even… destroy myself….
I just want to feel something other than empty, angry or out of control…
My lip quivers and I stare at the backrest of the sofa, trying to regain myself. Even if I agreed to a casual thing, I can’t let it happen again even if he was pretty good in bed or if he gave me an incredible o*gasm… I can’t… not with him. It’s wrong on so many levels.
But… it is momentary… deep down, I know I’ll f*ck up again. I always do.
I stare at my phone. Reign…
I feel sick, feeling as if I’m betraying him, but he’s the one refusing to talk to me… but does it even matter? It’s not like we are a couple-
His ex. F*ck!
I jolt upright, my heart thundering, and I wonder if something happened and they’re together again.
The thought hurts, but I should be happy for him. That doesn’t mean he needed to cut it off with me… and stop talking to me.
You’re overthinking Sky, chill.
I can feel my anger and frustration rising, and my claws elongate.
F*ck calm down…
Malevolent meows, but even she knows to move away when I lose control. My heart thunders and right now, I can’t lose control. I hate how I have empty blanks in my memory whenever I completely spiral. What if I do something I regret?
Standing up, I run to the bedroom. Pulling open my top chest drawer, I scramble around,
dropping my phone in the process; it hits the floor, but I don’t care. I can feel myself losing control, feel the beast within raging to come forward.
I grab one of the vials of serum with shaking hands and bite off the lid, my eyes blazing, my aura raging around me so powerfully that even the spells Delsanra and Raihana, two of the most powerful witches of our time have put on me to mask my aura, are not enough right now. 2
I growl as my Lycan tries to stop me from taking it, but I win and gulp it down. Pain rips through me and I scream in agony as it c*ipples me, making me fall to my knees. The poison bleeding through me, setting my blood on fire, as it eats away at the monster within me.
My eyes sting and it feels like my head will burst as I grab onto the chest of drawers, my nails splinter the wood but I can’t hold on and tumble forward, my head hits the ground, my heart beating violently as my body tries to fight the poison. My vision blurs and I feel the anger fade
Pain and sex… they help… I prefer the latter… I hate having to resort to this… 2
My eyelids flutter shut, only the pounding of my heart is violently beating in my ears, my breath shuddering and I feel Malevolent brush against my hands, but I can’t move…
Dad… Mama… everyone has tried to help me control it… but only I can… no one can do it for me … and I’m failing, I always fail… 1
My mind becomes blurry, hazy even.
My mind feels at ease and I lay there for a while until the beeping of my phone makes me open my eyes and I slowly reach over for it.
Who would text me at this time?
I gasp when I see the notification, my eyes flying open.
I force myself to sit up, my entire body feeling so much heavier, as I somehow unlock my phone and stare at the message. It takes me several moments to read it as my vision comes in and out of focus.
Reign707: Hey stranger, I’m sorry, but I had something come up, and I had a big argument that really bl*ody angered me. I ran into some issues and then couldn’t get into my account long story short. But I’ve created a new account to be on the safe side and will stop using this one. I’ll send you a message from there. I am sorry and I promise I’ll make it up to you… if you have it in you to forgive me, I really do want to meet up with you and I think once you agree, you’ll understand. I’ll wait for your reply. Goodnight.
My stomach drops as I stare at his message, reading it again.
What? He didn’t mean to blank me? It’s too much to focus on when my head is pounding. Another message pops up and I read it through my blurred vision.
Reign2.0: This is my new one. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
I don’t know what to make of it and I drop onto my side, closing my eyes. For now… I just want to forget it all…
Now I really feel like I betrayed Reign… I couldn’t even wait and think it over with a level mind … I let my emotions win once again…
As always. I failed.
A/N: Hello everyone! Firstly Happy Valentines! My Alpha was fully satisfied with the day so I managed this chapter in XD on a serious note, I know many people aren’t liking the book but I always stick to plan, Skyla will make decisions which might make you hate her, or you find it sick, but this is her story, and we are going to see it through every step, until the end. There will be things you won’t like but I never deviate from the plan. So when you need a break from the story, please take it. 🙂
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