I Am The Luna by Moonlight Muse Chapter 119
An Exchange
SEBASTIAN.
All I see is the look in her eyes as she raised the gun and shot me.
I’ve lost her.
She will never forgive me, and why should she?
I brought this on myself…
The same thoughts circle my mind, slamming me with the brutal truth of what I have done.
Spinning, screaming, and shouting as they whirl around my head; and there’s nothing I can do but accept it.
I was close to death after she shot me, but Gerard refused to let me die, although both
Gaultier and Zade didn’t mind if I did.
All I remember was Gerard saying he would not let me die and if anything happened, they would all suffer the consequences.
I now stare out at the moon through the
skylight. Night has fallen, but it’s just another
painful day gone. Another day that I am haunted by the memories of the Alpha Queen shooting
me without any hesitation.
I deserved that.
There was a moment she was shocked… but it was just a secondary reaction. She didn’t turn back as she left the room, but I shouldn’t be
expecting anything, anyway. When the one who pushed her to this was none other than me.
How many times have I betrayed her trust? Far too many times.
I know that… but then why do I sit here thinking of her day and night? With every day that passed I realised that, that I don’t think I could
live without her. Which doesn’t matter anyway,
this isn’t about me…
The guilt of every fucking stupid decision I’ve made, the regret of every fucking time I’ve caused her pain, claws at me. Ripping me apart with guilt and regret from the inside.
She deserves so much fucking better. Yet I know that she loved me, and I destroyed her faith in me repeatedly. I can feel my wolf’s agony inside
of me, his anguish at the fact I do not have her nearby. 1
I don’t deserve her, not anymore… she was too good for me from the start… and although I thought I did good, all I did was fucking hurt
her.
I’ll never forget the way her lavender eyes were full of pain.
My head drops as I feel the stinging in my eyes as my vision blurs.
Why did I always fuck up even when all I want is
the best for those I love?
“What is going on?!” Gaultier’s distant snarl makes me look towards the doors. Something must have happened…
I stand up, silently making my way to the door and open it. They’re probably watching me in this room, anyway.
I try to be careful, but I also know they will never fully trust me, regardless.
Gaultier slams his fist into the wall as Zade
growls at him.
“Calm the fuck down. We can’t let…” he trails
off when he sees me.
“We can’t what?” I ask, walking over to them, and shoving my hands into the pockets of my
pants.
“You don’t need to fucking know. Aren’t you meant to be resting?” he says sarcastically.
“I’m healed,” I reply coldly, although due to the poison in the bullet, I am still not fully recovered, but I am getting there.
“Good, so fuck off.” Gaultier snarls.
“Alright, I’ll just go ask Gerard what the fuck is going on,” I shoot back coldly, about to turn
away when Zade grabs my forearm.
“Hey… listen, this doesn’t involve you,” Zade
warns.
“Or it does. Don’t you think it’s strangely fucking coincidental that now of all fucking times they figured out the cameras?” He spits, now looking at me accusingly.
I don’t react, cocking a brow. “Cameras? What
are we talking about?”
So, they understood the message. Excellent.
This will help them get a step ahead instead of being spied on all the damn time. 1
“The cameras in your shitty pack!” Gaultier
snarls about to shove me when Zade intercepts.
him.
“Hey… man, calm the fuck down.” He warns him and I’m doing my fucking all to stop myself from bashing his fucking face in.
That’s when I hear it, the extremely silent footsteps of Lawrence. He was freaking silent, even more than me, able to mask his scent and heartbeat efficiently and I don’t think he even realises I can sense him and that is something I
don’t plan to let on. 1
“I would listen to him, and have any of you
notified Gerard of this? It’s no small matter. If
something has happened with the cameras,
then we need to let him know.”
Not that they can do anything.
Lawrence has stopped, he’s listening. 1
“Oh yeah? What are we going to tell him? That somehow, they found out?” Gaultier asks coldly.
“Wait… do you think they’ve discovered them?” Zade says suddenly.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Fuck. I mean our people in that pack. Maybe
we do need to tell Gerard and Father right
now,” Zade says suddenly.
“Not maybe, we do,” I say, just as Lawrence.
begins moving again.
“Sebastian is right, there is no maybe to it.” hist voice comes from to the left, making both men tense as he steps into the light.
“Yes, of course…” Zade says, lowering his head.
“Now what’s happened?” he asks them coldly.
You got this, Zaia… destroy them.
“They have possibly discovered Ms Agatha. All the cameras have been pulled.” Zade says, making my blood run cold.
Agatha?
I look up sharply, my heart thudding as I stare
at him.
Mom?
No, it must be some other….
My mind is spinning as Lawrence sighs heavily.
“Gaultier, go to the borders of the pack. See if you can mind link her.” He commands, and he
nods before he walks off.
“What do you mean mind link her, and is this my mother?” I ask. The words are like poison in
my mouth.
Lawrence looks at me.
“Yes, she is and Gaultier’s so he can mind link her as they are family.” He says, almost as if
wanting to see how I react to it.
What?
“Is that a surprise to you, Sebastian?” Lawrence asks keenly.
I shake my head, although her betrayal feels like a punch in the gut. “No, I mean- yes, about
Gaultier, but Mom belongs on our side. She’s always been my greatest cheerleader, to know that even now I am making her proud feels…
good.”
No, it fucking doesn’t. How could she do this? Everything was a fucking lie…
My mind is a fucking storm as I try to keep myself together.
Zaia let her near the children. She’s been in the
safe house. My stomach churns and it’s taking my all not to react. I fucking pray she has been. caught. I can’t risk her near the children or
around Zaia.
“It’s all for a good cause,” Lawrence says as he walks over to me and places his hands on my
shoulder. “Now. How about the two of us have a
little chat…” 1
“Sure,” I say. “I do have a question. If Mom is captured, then what? Will she be safe?”
He smiles.
“As safe as Gaspard’s woman is. Your woman may have shot you, but I don’t think she will
kill your mother,” he smiles.
“She isn’t my woman.” I correct him and I
fucking mean it because I don’t fucking deserve
her.
The memory of her touch, her body against
mine, the feel of her lips… her scent…
No, I don’t deserve her.
His smile only widens as he pats my back, a move that irks me deeply.
“Well, regardless, she is the mother of your children, and you must respect her, right?”
“We are on opposite sides, and we are nothing
to one another,” I reassure him.
“Well… I hope you can see that here. We have a
goal that is right, the true way… And you have proven yourself, Sebastian. I think with the
approaching battle, I have no doubt of what you are capable of and that you will lead our people diligently.”
I listen as we walk down the endless dark
tunnels of this place.
“Ah, Gerard did tell me about the antidote you wanted for your daughter, and I can understand that. She suffered… unnecessarily.” He says,
smiling at me. There’s no remorse and
obviously, there wouldn’t be. He doesn’t give a
fuck.
The temptation to rip him to shreds right here consumes me, but instead, with every ounce of willpower I have, I simply nod.
“She is a child, and I am certain I will have my children on my side when the battle is over. We will teach them what is right and our ways.”
“Children…” he nods. “Hmm, what if we take them from her sooner? I mean, we can give your daughter the antidote ourselves. Besides, if
they’re here, we’ll be able to make sure they are
not harmed when the battle occurs.”
No. Fuck no.
“And if we are unable to bring them here? Then what? I mean, Zaia has kept them locked away
and my daughter is getting worse.”
“Yes, we saw that, but I was curious about one
thing before you left the pack, Sebastian. I saw you go to all the security centres, even the prison facility… why? I don’t want to be
accusing you, but when we had you, try to hack into those you were locked out. I’m assuming
Zaia did that, but…. Are you sure it was not you?”
He is quick-witted and this time I’m unable to stop the thump of my heartbeat. That is exactly
what I had done…
“I feel insulted,” I say coldly, in an attempt to
cover up my emotions.
“Is it not why you went to those places?” he asks, his obvious accusation barely hidden, and I now look him dead in the eye.
“No, in fact, I went to get us some intel,” I say
coldly.
I feel fucking relieved I had thought of a reason in case the enemy saw what I did before leaving.
“He is correct, Lawrence. Let him off.” Gerard
says as he walks over to us. “He got us some blueprints and information on the pack, as well as some very important statistics about their
number of assault and defence power. Guards, warriors, and security.”
Lawrence nods slowly. “Then forgive me. I have just learned to be extremely careful. I do not trust easily.”
“No need. I understand where you are coming from. It’s good to be on the safe side.” I reply
with a small, brisk smile.
Gerard chuckles. “Yes.. well, I think we can give him the promised antidote, don’t you think,
Lawrence?”
“Is it safe? I mean, that was his incentive to join us, wasn’t it?” The older man says keenly.
He has no heart; he wasn’t fazed about
Melanie’s death, and he wouldn’t care if
anything happened to my little Sia.
“I can assure you, my loyalty lies here, but I do care for my children,” I say.
They look up a little too quickly for my liking, and it makes me uneasy.
“Of course, we all care for our children,”
Lawrence says, increasing the feeling of
foreboding I’m getting because he didn’t care when he learned his daughter was dead. 1
“I will give you the antidote, Sebastian, for little Sia but in return… We need proof that you are ready to go to any extent to win this battle
for us,” Gerard says, with another glance at
Lawrence.
“Like I said, I will do anything,” I say.
Gerard smiles. “Then I want you to kill Atticus
Payne’s family.” 5
